There is a particular person you know who at least on the surface, always look really put together.
Their dresses are always on point. Their style, perfume and everything about their appearance are always so prim and proper
Their planners and calendars are works of art; their beds are forever made, their nails forever unbitten.
And then there’s the rest of us.
It’s hard to nail down exactly what it means to be “put together,” or to always look “put together,” but it’s easy to know when you meet someone who does.
These people always seem to be confident, functional and competent.
They make their beds and do their jobs and always seem to be level-headed and calm about all the nonsense the rest of us conflate into huge crises.
No matter what your personal goals are, no matter how chaotic your life seems right now and how pretty much okay you convince yourself you are, at the root of them all, you just want to be more put together too.
But, while this might be hard to believe, the truth is that nobody really put together —not entirely, not all the time.
But aspiring to function well in your life, to be more organized, own personal responsibility, have real diplomacy and social grace, a healthy temperament, and other similar traits is definitely noble, if not crucial, to being well-received by the world.
Therefore, here is your official cheat sheet to being a put together person…
or at the very least, convincing everyone else you do.
1. Stop Oversharing
Not every single person online and in your personal life needs to know every single detail about your life.
Especially in this era of screenshots, Social media shaming and what have you.
If you are truly moved to share your struggle in some part of your life hoping it will be therapeutic and help another person going through it—amazing, please do that.
But if you are just constantly telling people way more information than is appropriate to share, it might seem as though you don’t understand healthy boundaries.
2. Minimize Drama
Instead of being someone who creates drama and issues, be someone who problem solves and innovates with new ideas.
Instead of creating more chaos around a disagreement or issue, create a solution.
3. Have a Uniform Style
Decide what you love and then wear it often.
When people see you, your appearance should align with who you say you are and what you say you care about.
Your style should match your personality, and it should stay as consistent as possible.
Think of CEOs who wear the same thing every day or cartoon characters who stay in the same clothes. People respond well to consistency.
4. Assume What You Say in Private Is Actually Public
I’m not saying nobody is trustworthy, but we are all dealing with what I’m going to call the “one person” phenomenon.
Every single time you tell a secret or important information to someone, if it’s interesting enough, they will tell their one person.
Then that person will their one person.
Ultimately, what you tell one person is what you tell everyone at the end of the day—so don’t say anything in private you do not want repeated in public.
5. Don’t Flaunt Weaknesses
If you don’t want people thinking your life is a hot mess or is falling apart, then stop talking about it being a mess on every platform and at every chance you can.
There’s a huge, enormous, world-altering difference between being authentic and capitalizing on your struggles to earn sympathy or whatever your mind thinks you’re achieving by complaining every hour of the day. or by tearing yourself apart in front of others.
Not everyone will accept and appreciate your being authentic about your weaknesses or struggles.
You can keep it real without overemphasizing what you’re not that great at.
What you share is what builds other people’s image of you.
6. Be Clear About Who You Are
For people to respect you, they first have to understand you, and that really begins with your language and approach to explaining yourself, both online and in person.
It begins with how you define and present yourself to them.
In general, you should have a single sentence explanation that adequately sums up what you do professionally and then another that sums up what you’re interested in personally.
Let people know what or what not to expect from you at any given time.
Be clear about your values and life’s principles.
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7. Keep Things Clean and Organized.
This is pretty obvious, but it’s totally overlooked:
People who are put together have one simple thing in common—they are always clean and organized.
They clean themselves, their spaces, and their belongings.
They have an obsessive knack for organization. Everything has it’s place and for the extreme ones– often coded and categorized.
They take care of themselves, their spaces, and their belongings. This doesn’t require much money and really only minimal effort.
Keeping your life a little more tidy and organized will go a really long way.
8. Talk About Things, Not People.
Other people and their lives are not topics of conversation.
This is a lazy way to forge a connection with others if you have nothing more important or interesting to discuss.
Ultimately, being a gossip isn’t a good look.
It makes you seem vindictive and judgmental.
Find things to talk about that aren’t other people’s business. Your relationships will be better for it.
9. Stop Complaining
Complaining isn’t venting.
Venting is what you do when you need to get something off your chest.
If you have to vent every single time you see one of your friends, there’s something wrong.
Otherwise, you’re just in the habit of complaining, and you need to get out of it.
It’s ungrateful and, a lot of the time, shortsighted.
If you really think about it, you have a lot more to appreciate than you have to stress about, but emphasizing the latter will make your life seem worse than it is, and that’s not what you want.
n’t Act Like an Authority When You’re Not
We do one another a disservice by insisting on answering immediately and impulsively in conversations and arguments.
This is not how brains work. This is also not how intelligent people behave.
Instead of spewing out whatever first comes to mind when you’re questioned about something, pause, think about what you want to say, and calmly express that you haven’t done enough research or hold enough expertise to speak on it with authority, but you’d like to share your opinion or viewpoint.
And what isn’t in your authority? Anything you’re not an actual expert in or don’t have personal, direct experience with.
So most things you talk about—but that’s okay. The point is to try to share opinions with one another to generate more conversation, not to convince one other about what’s absolute fact.
11. Keep Your Composure
People who fly off the handle at every little thing do not seem strong and tough, they seem weak and weak-willed.
Anger is like gasoline when there’s some kind of friction between people.
It raises people’s defenses and pushes a resolution farther away.
If nobody else can manage it, be the person in the room who can keep their composure and speak clearly and calmly.
12. Have Principles and Be Disciplined
Principles are the rules and guidelines you use to govern and manage your life.
Discipline is simply doing what you promise yourself to do when you say you’ll do it and how you say you’ll do it (without cutting corners)
Discipline brings your principles and values to life.
If you value relationships, prioritize them by principle and commit to them (discipline).
If you want to improve your self-care, do it regularly by principle. And be consistent.
No, you will not always want to wash your face, put on moisturizer, or drink another glass of water when you need to.
If you value personal development and growth, discipline yourself daily to do only the things or be around people that encourages your growth and personal development.
But if you succumb to your impulses all the time, you’ll end up a shadow of the person you’re meant to be—all because you don’t have principles.
13. Remember You’re Responsible for You
You are ultimately responsible for whatever experience of life you want to have.
You are responsible for your electric bill, for how well you keep up with current events, for how you interact with others, for how well you do at work, and for how much you sleep.
You have to take an active role in your life, not a passive one. Don’t think and act like life is just happening to you and you have to accept it. Start taking creative control.
14. Receive Help When You Need Help
Behaving as though you can do absolutely everything yourself limits you. When you need help, you need help. Ask for it, receive it, and understand that it does not make you less dignified.
15. Compliment Others
Your willingness to uplift others is a sign of real confidence and will make you appear more put together.
People who are not happy with themselves cannot be happy with others.
And there’s even more
Remember, your relationship with others are reflections of your greatest relationship—which is the one you have with yourself.
16. Be Aware of Your Finances
If you don’t want to be the person who questions whether their card will be declined somewhere, make sure you’re checking on your accounts before you actually go out and spend money.
You should know your debts, your incomes, and your goals.
You shouldn’t be in the dark about your financial health.
17. Organize Your Paperwork, Clean Your Linens, and Know How to Cook At Least One Meal
Absolutely no adult is beyond this.
18. Know Your Limits
Feed yourself when you’re hungry; rest when you’re tired; know how to gracefully bow out of a social situation, relationship, house party or job when you need to.
If you wait until you’ve passed your limits, you’re going to burn out and burn bridges at the same time.
19. Stop Thinking Everyone’s Thinking About You—They’re Not
In the age of social media, it’s so easy to become victim to the spotlight complex, which is the idea that everyone is thinking about you and evaluating your life decisions frequently.
Everyone is thinking about themselves all the time, in the same
Those coincidences you’re so sure to mean everyone deeply cares about the intricacies of your life? It’s probably confirmation bias, your brain’s way of filtering information to affirm what it already believes.
The first step to being self-aware is recognizing that other people’s thoughts do not revolve around you.
20. Keep It Simple
People who are able to simplify their lives come across as sophisticated.
People who complicate their lives do not.
People who are put together are able to live simply, to enjoy simple things, to show up as they are, and to sort through issues with clarity.
21. Create a Daily Routine
Having a morning routine sets the tone for the rest of the day and helps you overcome decision fatigue, be more organized and put together for the entire day.
An evening routine prepares you for the next day and helps prevent the early morning rush.
Want to feel more put together for the whole day? Create and follow a daily routine.
22. Do a Quick Meditation Daily
You can include this in your daily routine. But I’ve found that meditation helps me clear my head, declutter my mind and focus on being in the moment.
23. Always Arrive Early or Earlier
If you want to be a put together person or you just want people to take you seriously, stop showing up late to events or meetings.
Don’t be the person who is known to never show up on time.
Learn to manage your time well.
Overestimate how long it will take you to arrive somewhere and leave earlier.
Most importantly, remember that the point of being a put together person is to make your life easier and more enjoyable—not to impress anyone else.
But like most anything else, “being put together” is sometimes a matter of faking it until you make it, and there is always a place to start.
Let me know: Do you fake appearances? What little tricks or tips help to be a put together person?
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